Emotional Dumpsite

It’s X Days to go before Christmas. And all I want for Christmas are these… haha

1. Trip to Macau. (But I don’t think this is doable before this year’s Christmas. Maybe next year?)

2. Starbucks Christmas Mug. Their planner sucks. So I’m giving it to Anika. hehe Actually, I’m loyal to CBTL now.
3. CBTL notebook. Get this and you get to help to charity too!
4. Twilight: The Complete Illustrated Movie Companion. Please see previous post.

-GOT THIS NA. THANKS CHARLENE!!!!

5.TWIX Chocolates! lots and lots of it! ^_^

6. Longer Christmas Vacay in Davao

7. Basket of Fruits (Nainggit ako sa basket of fruits nina Miko and Nixie)

8. A New Phone Earth to Dad! (As if…)

9. A DSLR. This would be my gift for myself.

10. Admission to NTU. Am keeping my fingers crossed this year.

11.Coffee Maker.
12. Can’t think of any na…

My Secret Santa: Manila’s Biggest Kris Kringle Celebration

Year in and year out, party after party, the art of exchanging gifts has fallen into a creative rut as presents become more predictable, and recipients whittled down to a selected few.

Luckily, trendy French cafe Delifrance is adding a dash of daring and a large dose of generosity to the usual kris kringle, turning it into a metro-wide phenomenon.

With just a click on the My Secret Santa website (www.mysecretsanta08.com), Filipinos can shed off those tired Christmas hats and don, instead, a Secret Santa suit with a bottomless sack of freebies to give away.

“The My Secret Santa campaign is the first and biggest kris kringle celebration Metro Manila has ever  been,” says William Tan-Untiong, President of Delifrance Philippines. “We have removed all the usual constraints of gift-giving. Now, everyone can become a Secret Santa and send delectable Delifrance treats to as many of their friends and loved ones. And yes, it’s all for free.”

Secret Santas partaking in this grand holiday gesture can choose from two special goodies: Almond Star Cookies (available from November 10 to 23) and Chocolate Chip Almond Biscotti (available from November 24 to December 7).

Almond Star Cookies are almond-topped, gluten-free cookies that are a delightful cross between a light macaron and a sweet meringue. As a playful twist to the classic German Christmas cookie, the Almond Star Cookies can charm the most discerning sweet lovers in town.

Meanwhile, the Chocolate Chip Almond Biscotti can turn up the holiday cheer with its choco-nutty goodness. Paired off with a steaming cup of Delifrance espresso, the Chocolate Almond Biscotti becomes an invigorating treat for those late-night coffee chats.

“My Secret Santa is more than just virtual greetings. Everyone who receives an e-mail gift coupon can redeem it for real treats at participating Delifrance stores in Metro Manila,” explains Tan-Untiong. “What’s great also is how the cycle of giving and receiving repeats itself. Those who get a gift from a Secret Santa can become one themselves by paying forward their goodies, so to speak. This makes for a wonderful spirit of gift-giving.”

With its My Secret Santa campaign, Delifrance is set to create Manila’s biggest kris kringle celebration-a feat that makes this Christmas memorably sweet for all Filipinos.

To participate in the My Secret Santa campaign, simply log on to www.mysecretsanta08.com. For additional questions and inquiries, please contact the Main Office at 642-0021. Visit Delifrance branches at AIM Conference Center, Glorietta, Insular Life Bldg, RCBC Plaza, SM Makati, Ayala Tower 1, Valero Makati, Zeta Building Legazpi Village Makati, Robinsons Place Manila, U.N. Avenue, Festival Supermall, Alabang Town Center, SM Mall of Asia, The Podium, C5 Libis, St. Luke’s, Greenhills Theater Mall, Roosevelt Greenhills, Philippine Heart Center, Shell SLEX Southbound, Shell SLEX Northbound, Shell NLEX, NAIA - Domestic, NAIA 2 - International, NAIA - Old Domestic, NAIA 3, and International School Manila.

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They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along 
with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about 
yourself that you didn’t know and may not like. 
You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or 
two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. 

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those 
friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the 
greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch 
with are some of the most important ones. What you don’t recognize is 
that they are realizing that too, and aren’t really cold, catty, mean or 
insincere, but that they are as confused as you. 

You look at your job… and it is not even close to what you thought you 
would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that 
you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. 

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and 
find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that 
you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding 
things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn’t. One minute, 
you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the 
greatest force of your life. 

You feel alone and scared and confused. 
Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with 
dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and 
further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move 
forward. 

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such 
damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone 
decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love 
someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are 
doing this because you know that you aren’t a bad person. 

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. 
Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. 

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk 
with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make 
a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life 
for yourself… and while winning the race would be great, right now 
you’d just like to be a contender! 

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We 
are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we 
can to figure this whole thing out. 

As usual, Christmas in Davao is a lil boring. With the ban of fireworks, there’s nothing to give noise and light up the sky. But when you’re with your family and friends, you could not ask for more.

We went shopping on Christmas day. Rather, they went shopping. I wasn’t able to buy anything because the dress that I wanna buy in Kamiseta doesn’t have my size. As for my mom, kuya and sister? Stuff from MNG and Guess. Grrr… who’s the loser now? haha

Christmas eve this year was a little boisterous compared to last year. Our relatives from my mom’s side came over for the ‘noche buena’. It wasn’t really a noche buena, it’s more like a really late dinner. Mom prepared her usual dishes: spaghetti (for the kids), caldereta, sweet and sour fish. Ate Gen brought yummy colorful puto, the infamous hamonada, and her lumpia. Of course, it won’t be a noche buena without ham. And to add up to all the cholesterol intake, there’s the lechon! It would have been more fun if the kids participated in the game that I gave. Too bad, my younger cousins feel that they’re too old with games so I was left with the really young ones… And so I just gave them the (cash) prize withouth even finishing the game. At midnight, only jett, kuya, and I were awake, with my mom occasionally checking up on us. I started opening my gifts and told my sister to join me. How sad, because while I was opening mine, my sister can’t find hers. It’s all because she already opened and used the gifts given to her last weekend. Good thing my mom had a pahabol gift, and gave it to my sister before she started crying.hehe

By the way, I almost got everything on my wishlist.

The day before Christmas eve was my church’s christmas presentation. Mom and Jett was part of the ‘orchestra’. Hehe. It wasn’t really and orchestra ORCHESTRA. It’s just a group of musicians playing the piano, ciello, flute, and violin. Mom and Sister play the violin. I was amazed at how good they are at it. I really thought that there isn’t a single note running in our family’s blood. Meaning we aren’t musically inclined. Well, maybe that’s just me. But maybe not. I now know how to play twinkle, twinkle little star in the violin. haha. Anyway, the Christmas presentation was quite different this year. It didn’t stick to the usual format, which was song, poem, song, poem, children to adult. Aside from the added music from the musicians (14 christmas pieces or whatever), it didn’t really follow that the program will start with the children and end with the men. Basta, yun na yun. All in all it was nicer this year. And Christ is still the highlight of the program.

After church, it’s joyride time for me and my friends. This would be the only time for us to bond because I’ll be leaving na next week. We went to a perya. We tried the comical horror house and the death-defying octopus. Afterwhich, we went to seawall (our usual hangout) to gaze at the statue’s private parts.haha kidding. After how many litters of wasted gasoline, we’re off to home.

So I’m back to my bummer self. I’ve got nothing to do here but feel at home. Maybe that’s why my tummy’s expanding unaturally, four days of bumming around and I feel like I already gained 10 lbs. Oh, I hope not!haha I should enjoy it while it lasts. Because when I’m back to the real world, I know I’m gonna be wishing that I was home again.

It is like looking into a deep well. You are scared of the thought of falling in but you cannot help but be curious of what is inside. You cannot help but wonder how deep it goes. You cannot even imagine what is inside because no one you ever know has ever been inside it.

You look deeply into it. Several thoughts have crossed your mind: Will I survive the fall? Will it be dark as night in there? Is it cold? What is inside? And then you lean forward as you think if these things. Slowly, you reach down and touch the air that is between you and the abyss. Nothing. Doing this still did not answer all the questions that were bugging you about the well. Your curiosity gets the better of you. You extend your arms a little further. And then you can feel it. The coldness of the stale air is so lightly brushing your arms. It is such a welcoming feeling compared to the heat of the sun beating on your back. The cold versus the heat. What would you choose?

You decide to hang on just a little bit, enjoying the comfort of the cold, not brave enough to go on a little further. Just when you are about to come up, a gush of bitter wind gushes from within. It feels as if the wind is pushing you from behind and pulling you down at the same time. You struggle to take a hold of the edge of the well with both hands, but it is impossible. You are upside down. Then you tumble and fall. You try to grab hold of a jutted stone that is within your reach. But the moss and dampness make it impossible for you to cling to it. Despite your struggling, despite doing your best not to fall, you still do.

It must be the longest fall of all. Ah, but this is the abyss. There is no end to it, you think. And so you enjoy the fall, you revel in it. The wind in your ears feels like it is whispering you to sleep. The well is singing you its lullaby, willing you to complete surrender. When you are about to submit to the wiles of the well, you crash into the end of the oblivion.

Silence. You try to scream for help but no sound comes out from your mouth. You strain to hear the well’s song, but it stopped singing for you. You try to think of all the questions you had before the great fall but it seems insignificant now. Your body racks with pain. You hurt everywhere. You feel all the bones in your body break. It is like your insides are about to burst out. But what hurts the most is the feeling of emptiness that is trickling inside you. And that emptiness inside you grows until your body, most of all your soul, numbs. Slowly, ever so slowly, you embrace the company of emptiness inside. You brush away the chill that goes with it. Never mind the dark; it is good that I survived the fall with you. And then, nothing.

For days now, maybe even weeks, I’ve been craving for Starbucks. I’ve been bumming around in davao for more than a month now, one month and one day to be exact. That means I haven’t drank any starbucks coffee for one month and a day… Yep, there are a lot of coffee shops around here. And I mean a lot. They are everywhere, offering the same stuff-coffee, doughnut, brownie, cakes, free inet connection. etc. But Starbucks is still Starbucks and nothing can beat that!

I missed their tall mocha and white mocha. I missed checking out their mugs and stuff for sale. I missed baristas calling out my name ‘coz my coffee’s all ready to go. I missed their warm and smiling faces. I missed the comfy couches and even the hard, wooden chairs. I missed the smell of their coffee even when just passing by their store.

But what I missed the most is the feeling when I’m having Their coffee with friends. I missed the long talks that we had while enjoying a tall cup of coffee. I missed even the silence in between conversations that let me think things over and contemplate. I missed pouring my heart out over a cup of white mocha. I missed listening to my friends’ life stories, problems, pieces of advice and even nonsense talks. I missed the combination of Their tall mocha and my friends’ presence that kept me warm in the cold of the night. I even missed their ‘take out’. I missed hurrying to buy a cup of coffee with officemates in between breaks while talking about work along the way. I missed every moment I had while having a Starbucks coffee.

Maybe right now what I want is a Starbucks coffee and a moment with friends…

No! Right now, I need a Starbucks moment…

Now I know it’s over. Not that I want it to but I have to. After tonight I know that it’s time for me to let go…

To be honest, I still have a little hope in me that you’ll say
something about what I told you, after all it’s our last night
together. I was kind of wishing that you’ll pull me aside and at least
acknowedge it. No, I don’t want to hear the same thing, I just want you to say something, anything about that, but you said nothing… Nothing at all.
From what I have observed, it seems like you have no plans of facing
it. I know that you didn’t ask for it; you didn’t ask to be burdened
with my revelation. I said it
to you because, as what I have told you, I just want to get it off my
chest and I thought you were man enough to handle it… But I was
wrong, you can’t handle it. However, I’ll give you the benefit of a
doubt, as what clm reasoned, you’re not ready yet..
So, why not tell me that? You kept me hanging by your lack of response.
If that’s what you really feel just confront me. If you can’t tell me
in person, text me, like what I did. It would be easier for me to move
one if you did just that. I would not have waited for this night for me
to realize and accept that this is a hopeless case… that I am a hopeless case.
If you told me earlier, then there wouldn’t be awkward moments between us. I admit, after that,
I feel awkward when you’re around, I can’t even look at you in the eye.
I can also sense that you feel the same way. No more careless touches:
a touch on the shoulder, brushing of hands when walking… And the
awkward pose says it all! If you, at least, acknowledged it, I could have moved on and make it as a joke, a laughing matter. Then everything would be back to normal. But it ended up like this. Parang di kayo magkakilala.
True. It’s as if we
don’t know each other. It’s like our one year of friendship has ended
and we have nothing to hold on to but that stupid revelation of mine
which clouds our better judgement and our treatment as batch-kadahan. Lot’s of ilang  moments… I don’t want it to get worse. I want to restore our friendship and start all over again (meaning before that incident). Back to when we can easily shrug off the kanchawan or I
can easily shrug it off. Back to when I can really get close to you
without me feeling awkward and vice versa. I hope someday, our
friendship will return to that…
I know, for that to happen, I have to let go. I have to let go of my
feelings that, for a time, made me happy and even helped brighten my
day. I have to stop day dreaming and go back to reality. I should not
wait for any response anymore and accept that it’s over. Not that I
want to but because I have to. If I won’t, I would just end up
broken-hearted and our friendsip would suffer. That I do not want to
happen. That’s why I should admit it to myself that it’s over.

It’s over…

It’s over…