Emotional Dumpsite

You should be careful when your lifestyle is changed.
They all backslid when they changed their lifestyle and their regualr routine and their regular schedule.
Everybody who has ever backslidden did so in a time of change in their life.
You are not going to live for God the rest of your life unless you fix your schedule and live by it.
The best assurance the you can take against backslidding is a routine and a schedule that tells you what to do and when to do it.
If you don’t want to backslide. you have to be busy right now doing something for God.
Everytime your routine and regular schedule is changed, look out.
Stay in your schedule, stay in your routine.
Get yourself a schedule.
The devil would want to get you off your schedule and out of your lifestyle.

-An excerpt from It’s Backsliding Time by Dr. Jack Hyles, January 1, 1998

My depression is really eating me up. It has been nagging at me weeks ago. But I was shocked to know that it is now slowly swallowing me whole. (This really is an emotional dumpsite)
It’s not just the acad thing, it’s a whole lot more. The acad thing just pops the balloon that is slowly inflating deep inside you. And when it does, you’ll tend to let everything out, even if you want it to or not.
(I’m not making any sense. But I think I do, I just don’t know how to make it look like it has any sense.)
When you are dealing with academic problems, financial difficulties, family problems, emotional hang-ups all at the same time, you’ve got nothing to do but to let it all out before it bursts and destroy you. And it’s up to you how. You have to let it all out and you have to deal with it.
Because of this, I tend to be quiet when my personal balloon bursts. The only evidence of such an eruption are the tears falling. If not, a tear. This is my way of coping up.
Later on, I realized that this isn’t the only way. There is the best and right way to deal with it. You should kneel down and pray. Then, everything will feel alright. I’m not saying all your problems will be gone, but you’ll have the assurance that everything will turn out just fine, if you’ll let God work in your life. Everything will then fall back into it’s place.
I just want to share this one.

Tama na ang pagpapanggap na ako’y magaling magsulat! Waaaaahhh!!! ‘Wag mo nang basahin ang aking blog! Napakawalang kuwenta! As in! As in, walangkwenta talaga! Wahehehehe!!! Mali mali pa yung grammar… ang pangit ng content… walang kabuluhan… Sorry if I can’t use hifalluting highfalluting (see, I can’t even get the spelling right!) highfaluting words (There! Did i get it right?)…
    As I was reading, no, just scanning, an acquiantance’s blog (take note of the word acquaintance, not friend), i was amazed of… No, I can’t continue this one… Urrggghh!!!
    Basta, DON’T READ MY BLOG!!!
    Or else… You’ll be dead!!!
   (This is Joyce’s other personality now writing So, what’s the use making a blog if you don’t want people to read it? This is the real me It’s none of your business… This is the other me talking again Are you stupid or something? The real me again Wanna die? Silence. The real me talking Good!)

  These past few days were quite depressing for me. I am now experiencing emotional turmoil, physical pain and mental retardness. Ha!
     I just realized that my greatest fear in life is not to be able to fulfill my dreams. On a smaller scale, it’s not doing what I want to do the most. And that’s playing. Name it and I’ll do it. I’m talking about sports here. Whether it be volleyball, basketball, swimming, bowling, rowing, even jogging or simply running around, I’m always on the go for it. I admit I’m not an expert, you can call me a jack of all trades, but hey, nothing can stop me from doing these. But there’s fate. Fate may threaten us, give us happiness, etc. But there’s always this point in our lives that fate is being too harsh on us. It will take away the things that we do away from us. And I’m afraid that this might be it for me. And I am scared out of my wits.
    Two nights ago, I had this ‘accident’ while we were playing dodgeball. While we were on the defense, I twisted my knee and fell to the ground (the worst part is that they still hit me even though they saw that i fell. maybe because they grabbed the opportunity to hit me when i’m down because they can’t hit me at all, ha, what losers!hehe) Anyway, because of the good souls who helped me up (thank God for them), I was brought to the infirMATAY. There the doctor did the check-up (which i think is really not a check-up) and told me to go back the next day for the xray. I did what I was told, even though I was limping around, even though my knee hurts like hell (hmm.. not really). And then I was told to come back today for the result (very efficient don’t you think so?) only to find out that they can’t tell if it’s a damaged ligamentsor tissue or cartillage or whatever because for sure it’s not the bone (thank God for that!). They told me to go to the Orhtopedic Hospital to check if it is really the ligaments. And I’m so mad/sad/depressed because I was walking arounf that st*pid infirMATAY only to find out that they can’t help me!
     Now, going to that orthopedic hospital is one of my dillemas. How can I go there? I don’t even know where that is? And with my injured knee? Going places depresses me because of this injury. I hate leaning on the railings for support. I hate it when I’m limping around and people are staring at me. I hate it when people, GUYS especially, won’t budge to give me the seat near the exit on a jeep, even though they’ve seen that it’s hard for me to ride the jeep. I’m not asking for chivalry here! I just want plain sensitivity. Why can’t they be sensitive enough to know that I need that seat because I’m having a hard time walking? Such a**holes! Sorry for the term but they are. It even surprised me that those who gave me their seats are the girls. It’s simply amazing.
    But what is really depressing is that I just realized that you can’t really lean on the people here. Even people "close" to you. We have our own world. We have our own priorities. And I know that I should be wise to know and to accept the truth that I may or may not be part of their world or their priorities. They can make excuses. But I have to accept it as reason because I can’t do anything about it. If I’ll be affected, I’ll just end up miserable and pathetic.
Huh, what a word. I’ve heard and used that word a lot of times this week. It was hilarious then. Now, it’s not. Because of this, now I want to go home. Because no one can’t really deny me the comfort of my home. I can be myself there and still they will still love me and be there for me.I can forget about the heartaches there because I know it’ll just  be overpowered by the love and comfort of my family, real friends, the church. And when I’m home, I feel that I’m closer to God. So why can’t  I go home now?
     But I know better. This is the time when I need God the most. This is the time when God would want me to turn to him. There’s nothing greater and more comforting than His love. Everything written above are erased. Becuase my Greatest Friend is here. I need no other friend. Only Christ. And I pray that while you are reading this, you’ll find a friend in Jesus. And then let’s all play and be merry. hehe. No, I’m serious.

Top 15 Things That I Am Going To Miss When I Graduate

(ang list na ito ay hindi pa final, pwede pang magbago)

15. Jogging sa Acad Oval

14. Maglakad nang maglakad sa campus

13. Sumakay ng Ikot

12. Mag-shorts kapag papasok sa skwela o pumunta ng Esem

11. Kumain ng fish nuggets a.k.a. Kikyam ‘dun sa may DMST, kay Ate Gloria

10. Production Classes

9. Mga reaction/reflection papers

8. Manood ng movies sa Cine Adarna

7. Puyatan sa gabi

6. Magpa-deliver sa Bermonts. Mami-miss ko ‘yung tacos nila

5. Concert sa Bahay ng Alumni. At ang UP Fair.

4. Mga prominent people. (Meron pala dito sa UP?hehe Hindi, ‘yung mga prominent people na mami-meet at makikita mo dahil andito ka sa UP)

3. Shooting Days. Pag-acting sa cam. Pagiging director/writer/camera man/etc.

2. Mga blockmates ko! Wooohooo!

1. DORM LIFE! Closest friends na nakilala ko dahil nag-dorm ako, sila na ‘yung maituturing mong friends forever (sana!hehe). Mga dorm activities, lalo na sportsfest, inter-dorm, mutya, acquiantance parties, mga ka-ekekan. Meal time sa mess hall, ‘yun ang time na makakapag-sightseeing ka (kung may crush ka sa dorm), makikipagchikahan ka, kukumustahin mo ang iyong mga friendships, at marami pang iba.

Hay, sinusulat ko na ‘to pero ‘di pa ako sure kung gagradweyt nga ako ngayong taon!wahehehe. By God’s grace, gagradweyt ako! Walang sino o ano man ang hahadalang sa aking pagtapos! Bow!