im supposed to enjoy this evening. i did, honestly. but i can’t help but be sad over some things.
tonight
was my thanksgiving party. indeed i have a lot to thank for in my life.
i should have said that when it was my turn to give a ’speech’ but
anxiety and embarrassment took over my sane self and then i just
realized that i was just babbling things in front of the guests. i
guess i should have given them my blog address so that they can read
this entry and know what i really want to say in front of them….
i
really am thankful for God’s providence and guidance. Without that, i
wouldnt have finished my course on time, much less enter and survive
UP. i’ve been less than faithful to God during my stay in UP but He
never did forget me. Yes, i was chastised for my unfaithfulness and
that was the great thing about it. I knew that I really am His child.
To
my parents who never did fail to support me financially, emotionally,
spiritually… to them I also owe this ’success’ of mine. Actually, my
graduating isnt my success but theirs. they have proven that they were
able to raise their child well, and there’s more proof of that. my
kuya’s graduatin next sem and then my sister’s…. still studying! haha
I may not know what it cost them when they allowed me to go to college
far away from home, but i think i got at least a teeny idea of what
they were going through whenever im away and they know nothing of my
whereabouts. worries, strain, anxiety… maybe. and i thank them for
remaining strong for me, even when they sometimes felt like giving up.
Also the love that they’ve given me. I admit that we’re not that type
of family who says i love u to each other but even so, i can still see
and feel that i am loved by them. thank you… and i never did get to
say this to you… but i love you mom and dad.
kuya and our
baby… i know that sometimes mom and dad favor me over you and i want
to say sorry for that. i also dont want to get more attention from them
because i think you need it more. not because you crave for it but
because i think i dont need it and i have received all the attention
that i can get to last me a lifetime.hehe just like what i said to mom
and dad, i also love you, though i had a hard time saying it, but i
hope that you can see and feel it from me.
my college friends
who were really my lifeline to sanity in UP. the GA Phat… i could
never ask for more. you’re the best friends a person could ever had. we
may have our differences and shortcomings but i think these made our
friendship grow and our bond strong. thank you for cyring with me,
laughing with and at me, for the pieces of advice, for all the
unforgetable memories that we’ve shared, lessons learned… you will
always be treasured and loved.
to my friends in davao. thank you
for not failing to keep in touch. most of the time i was the one who
failed to contact you but most of you never did forget me, especially
those people who are close to my heart… you know who you are.
to
my church kabarkada, thank you for keeping track of my spiritual life,
especially chele. thank you for the conversations that we’ve had
whenever we’re together. i always look forward to our talk, whether if
it’s meaningful or simply nonsense, i enjoyed every minute of it. to
anne, lalai, ging, leng… thank you for the encouraging words and for
our laag times. those times were always special. april for the secrets
that we’ve shared, for the words of comfort, advice, chikkas… i thank
you for that. i would never be updated of the spirirtual happenings
without you.
to matet and irah, thank you for everything: for not
forgetting me even in your busy lives. you never failed to share a part
of your lives, even when im far away. you never failed to make me
laugh. and thank you for teaching me how to have a good time.
to my
YM buddy, you should know that i have already kept you near my heart. i
usually look forward to the days that i thought we’ll bump into each
other in the chatroom. but most of the time, all i got was a a gray
smiley icon (because you were always in invisible mode!haha). but
still, i am eagerly waiting. i have treasured every conversations that
we have. you’ve been a blessing to me, spiritually. you were also one
of those few people who pulled me back to the right path and helped
strengthen me spiritually. you’ve been my ’spiritual adviser’, so to
speak. and i am grateful for that. i know it’s impossible for us to be
together, but when i started to know you better, i have prayed for
someone like you in my life. and so far, i think there’s no one like
you. but i know i cant keep you for myself because God has big plans
for you… I just want to wish you happiness and success in the Lord’s
work…
And as for that person who i considered special at one point
in my life… you still are, but in a different kind of way. i just
want to say thank you. and this is a sincere one. i want you to know
that i have prayed for you for a long time. and God has already
answered my prayer… at first, i dont want to believe His answer
because I was the one who was hurt and not you. But now, I think I have. Nope, I know
that I have accepted God’s answer to my prayer. You should now that for
two year, i was hurting and i was beginning hate you. but now, i am not
hurting and i dont hate you anymore because i have accepted the truth.
you were never meant to be mine. i was hurt because it was someone else
close to me. i was hurt because i can see you two blossom and i was
left alone, trampled. i hated you once because i never knew what went
wrong, what i did wrong. i hated you once because you never did say
anything and you just let us drift apart… but now, i understand
better. it was because God would not give you to me. You were meant for
someone else not me. It would have hurt a lot if i said that a year
ago, but now it’s just a dull ache. I can still feel something but it’s
something I can ignore… I just want to thank the memories that you’ve
left me. You also made my youth a lot more memorable… because at some
point, i shared it with you. im not sure if it was the same with you…
but i won’t forget the times that we were together because those times
were extra special. and i want you to know that i did love you… maybe
the feeling wont go away but i wont let that feeling destroy you, other
people or even myself…
now, i am entering a new chapter of my
life. i know i’ve been saying that line many times now… all i want is
for all of you people to be included in this chapter. however, if time
comes that our paths won’t cross, rest assured that you won’t be
forgotten because all of you we’re part of my life and were written in
my life’s book. and i still have the whole chapter and the whole book
to finish and i want God to be the Author. In the past chapters, i
selfishly took the pen away from Him and started writing my life on my
own… but now, i would try not to. With God’s help, i would keep still
and let Him write my life according to His will and purpose. So that
one day soon, I would be able to reach success, in God’s standards and
not of man’s.
