Emotional Dumpsite

i havent updated my blog for the
longest time… 2weeks to be exact. meaning, i havent been checking my
mail for 2weeks. that’s why when i opened my mail… tahdah! 94 inbox
msgs. and that’s a rare case for me because im always checking my mail
every single day. as in.

so
far, nothing eventful happened these past two weeks. i still havent
seen ian in podium (which, by the why, is right in front of our office
building) or any other artistas for that matter. wait… we saw julia
clarete just this afternoon with her skimpy shorts, boots and all, just
her… so anyway, back to ‘changes’, something did change in my
routine. i have been waking up early than usual, WAY early than usual
and i go to sleep EARLY! now, i admit, that’s not me! And, i went out
on a gimik/dinner these past two friday nights. now that’s the life of
a yuppie! Ha!

But i dont
feel like one, though. I feel like im trapped in this work forever,
it’s eating me up slowly, and maybe one day, i will realize that im no
good and just kill myself. now that’s taking things to the extreme. im
just exaggerating. but seriously, im not loving my job. im just being a
robot which is programmed to do just this or that. and i dont want that
to happen to me. i hate it. i didnt dream of having a 8-5 job. i want
to be in the field. to witness things first hand. to make a difference.
to create something significant. in short, i wanna be a journalist…

but
i know i cant. the practical side of me says so. i cant live with the
meager salary of a jouranlist. or a tv staff for that matter. i know
that because i know my abilities. there are a lot of people more
talented than me. more prettier than me. more creative than me. more
intelligent than me. i am what i am. and i know im one of the best!haha

what a contradicting
statement. it confuses me. gives me headaches. that’s what i am feeling
right now. i think im gonna be sick. sick and tired of my job. o well,
almost.haha

so anyway…

i
have a crush. who doesnt? but i dont want it to be official. because i
think he’s gay. but i dont want him to be gay because i have the
feeling that he likes me too! i am sure that he also likes me! ha!
assuming, isnt it?

shut up, will you? just give me a chance. im now a yuppie and yet still an SSB… hehe

fyi: SSB- single since birht. go figure.