Emotional Dumpsite

why does it have to end that way? do i need to be slapped in the face for me to wake up to reality? do i need fall hard to know that i’m living in a fantasy world?

my long-time infatuation ended last friday. and it left me numb and cold. what feeling i had for this infatuation of mine ended with the movie. and just like the movie’s ending, something died. my ability to dream and look farther into my future died, and maybe my capability to love went with it. and with the turning on of lights came the greatest realization of all: now i know better, im fully awake and know that for him i dont exist and what only exists in his world is a long-nosed girl who bewitched him with her voice. for a long time, i’ve been living in a fantasy world, dreaming of our future together, where in fact, for him im a nobody. but who can i blame him/ i really am a nobody compared to him or to his witch.

there’s this thing also with assumptions. we all have the right to assume. yes. but when we assume too much it will just leave us vulnerable. to pain, to the loss, to the hurt. and no one can help us but ourselves. so what we do is to lessen the assumptions or even get rid of it. just like what i did on that same night. friday. i closed my ears and eyes to assumptions. i stopped following the supposedly telltale signs. then, i thought that the signs my chocolate man is giving me are just for me, that they’re leading me on to something grand. but i misread the signs. and i ended up lost. but then again, i found my way again, but it was away from him. that was when my chocolate man tried calling his ms.C, on that same fateful night (i dont know what happened, if he was able to contact her or not, i couldn’t care less). But it’s good to know that he has a ms.C in his life. that way, i can really stop myself from entertaining all those assumptions. but that harm has been done. i assumed. and now, im in pain.

so now all these have ended. assuming. dreaming. loving.